A look from within…

My brother is amazing and you should read this.

A Trickster's Path

No, I do not carry a fancy title in front of my name or alphabet soup behind it. There have only ever been three things to preface my name and none of them involve Doctor (though I wouldn’t mind being a madman in a blue box). 

This being stated and said this is to approach the recent issues with The Wild Hunt and their failure to properly respond to the Siegfried article. Now this rebuttal has been making the rounds, https://ladyofthelake.blog/2018/12/02/group-lokean-letter-the-wild-hunt-declined-to-publish/, and is VERY well written. 

I have been Lokean for over 20+ years and used to feel the need to hide the fact. Shame for being drawn to follow Papa Flamehair. Follow a Jotun? Only a tainted or bad person did that, right? Why was I called? Then I realized a very VERY important fact. I didn’t give a fuck. My heart was called and I readily answered. If my…

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The Sleeping Witch Awakens…

I haven’t written in so long. The page, the word, they are strangers to me. I am feeling the need to reconnect to my spirituality. I’ve spent so much time focusing on the mundane. For a while, I was just trying to survive from one moment to the next. Now things are quieting down my spirit is raising its head. Like an animal coming out of hibernation, she is hungry and must be fed. I will make no promise about frequent updates here because I always break them. I will say, my writing is deeply connected to my spirituality and that when one stirs the need to do the other does as well.

I had to close off so much of myself for so long. I was in survivor mode. Now that it is safe to open those door ways again. I imagine there will be a flood to deal with. I’ve been thru much these past years, the witch in me all but dying. She was not dead though just sleeping. She awakens and I feel I am becoming whole again for the first time in so long. Cutting off parts of yourself in order to survive is not an easy thing to do. In some cases they may never grow back. It will be interesting to see how I may grow and flourish after spending so much time cutting away. Like pruning a plant, cut too much and it may never be strong again causing it to wither and die. Cut just enough and it will grow even stronger. I am here. I have survived. Watch me as I thrive!

Pine Smudge

Dropping a note

***Internet was down for a few days. I also started working on a research blog post about Bast.  Man, I could write a whole book on just the subject of her many names and faces. (Yes, Mom wants a book but she is just going to have to wait, unless she wants to pay my rent and bills while I do nothing else but sit and write.) *crickets* Yea, I thought not. 

***The wedding I have been prepping for is this weekend. Costume in hand and several rehearsals have been done. I just need to drill drill drill. Till I can do the whole thing with my eyes closed and in my sleep. Oh and I am now also officiating the wedding on top of performing. How do I get myself into these things. This week is hell week with tech rehearsals and other gigs booked to the max. I am will be digging deep for that extra bit of energy by this weekend.

***I am currently booking gigs for October 2015. 

***Today I figure modeled (my day job if you will) at the Christian Scientist College. The campus is so gorgeous I think it would make a great setting for a fictional story. The brain is a brewing…


Tech Rehearsal Photo By Bella Shay
Tech Rehearsal
Photo By Bella Shay

Xanadu Moon

I knew something was up and had to do with the moon. Thank You for an explanation us less astrology savy could understand.



By now you will have felt the undertow of the Pisces full moon. Either that or you may think that you’re losing your mind. This is more than just feeling out of sorts or a little bit off your A game. It may be that the tiniest little things are either niggling you to the point of white hot rage or making you just want to cry. You may be conscious of feeling your emotional body surge and then lurch some more. You may just barely be resisting the impulse to take it like a toddler and throw a massive tantrum before taking your ball and heading home to lick your wounds. Congratulations and welcome to the emo end of the astrological spectrum, except that this little lunar kid is more like a tiny Buddha and has the potential to get you there too.

FULL MOON @ 16 Pisces
L.A. – Monday 6:38…

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Christians and Pagans: Why, Can’t We Be Friends?




In the last couple of days my writing and updates have increased a great deal. Mostly this is because I have left a soul sucking day job and now have the time and energy to write. It is pretty common when I am posting more that my blog would get more traffic. What I find interesting is some of the unexpected traffic that I am seeing. I have been in the public eye for a while now. Whether it is here, youtube, FB or in real life. I have developed certain habits on social networking because of this. One of these is that every time someone follows me, likes a post or comments. If I don’t know them I check out their profile, dig thru their page all around just check out who they are. Recently I have seen a large uptake of a certain kind of person following this blog. Let just say they are not my target audience.


I have been publicly Pagan long enough that I have dealt with many detractors, religious zealots and just plain hateraid.  It makes me sad and frustrates me.  I have many Christian friends who are loving and amazing people. Who accept me for who I am and support me in all my endeavours. It saddens me that these people so full of hate can be grouped together with my wonderful friends.


I have spoken to a handful of friends and it seems that the Pagan community on WordPress is being harassed and many people are leaving. Well, I am not going anywhere and there is nothing that anyone can do to make me go any where. If losing my parents because they couldn’t accept who I was, wasn’t enough for me to leave this path. Then there is nothing a stranger or a keyboard jockey can do.


If Jesus was here he would be so disappointed in these people. They are tarnishing his name, using it in Vain. The very thing he said not to do. I have 15 years of Christian Parochial schooling under my belt and I can quote the scripture with the best of them. Jesus was/ is an amazing teacher he just isn’t mine. We cool tho, we cool.  


For those who think pushing their faith on to other people is a way to bring them to your faith. All you are doing is driving them away in DROVES. Paganism and it’s various umbrella paths is the fastest growing religion in the world. I would say twice or three times as many people then the numbers currently say. Why? People are scared, they are scared of losing family, friends, jobs.


It is more socially acceptable for an ethnic person to be of a non mainstream faith then for a white person. Why? They view it as a personal betrayal. An ethnic person doesn’t know any better, that is how they were raised.  A white person they know better and have turned their back on God. This is the way the bigots think. This is why they get so upset. Their faith, their views are the glue that holds their whole world together. When we chose to not use that glue and make our own it terrifies them.


Hell, it terrifies us. It is this process that separates the wheat from the chaff.  This is how the baby Pagans become real Pagans they must make their own glue. Those that fail continue on their search. Many to Atheism, Agnosticism or back to Christianity.


Basically all are welcome here unless you are looking to pick a fight.


Sugar don’t got time for that!


Soft polytheism and an Apology from Loki (Loki Fix It)


Loki- God of Fire by Destinyfall                                     I chose this image because this was how he was sitting when I saw him.



Last year when I had found out that we had to move and times were very dismal. I was pissed. I have had a long term contract with the gods. I would walk the path that they ask of me including all the sacrifices that it takes for one thing that they take care of me.  I will not martyr myself for their cause. Promises had been made and sort of broken in the past. They held to the letter of the agreement but not the heart of it. This last Summer was the 3rd time in my life I had to completely rebuild from scratch all that I had put my heart and soul into. I was hurt and I was pissed.


I turned to the one threat that I knew would get through to them. I had every intention of following through. I would go mundane. I would turn off the god phone, stop all the work they wanted of me and just solely concentrate on my material life. Work my 9 to 5 and turn my back on all the rest. I knew things that people spent their lives searching for. I have seen things that would terrify the hardiest of individuals. I would simply ignore them as if it was never there. This was a very real and valid threat. I had every intention on following through. I was out on my tiny little back deck just cussing out the gods. A total Hercules moment of Damn You! I will never forgive you for this!


So I am sitting there just cussing up a storm and up pops Loki. Just chillin on the edge of the railing of my tiny apartment deck. Sitting there on the railing knee up and head in palm. I was so livid I rounded on him. “What are you doing here? Where is Mom? Dad? You didn’t make these promises THEY DID! I don’t even work with the Norse Pantheon, not really. Thats Rocky’s or Justin’s Domain.”  (S/O and BFF respectively.)  I am just standing there yelling at him going on on and trying to make sense of why He, Loki of all gods would come down and I was so mad. I just took out all my anger on him. He gave me a moment to catch my breath and he looks up at me from his prone posture with tears in his eyes and says “I’m Sorry.” That’s it. Just two words then a tear slowly trickles down his cheek and he wavers out of focus. Gone. I was left there mouth gape. Rocky sticks his head out the back door and asks me what is going on. “I just… I Just got apologized to by Loki and he didn’t even do anything….”


My Best friend Justin is a Lokean and one of my confidants. I told him this story the next day. He started laughing and said “Loki fix it.”  He said it is pretty standard for Loki to fix things that he didn’t even have anything to do with.  Its apparently a Lokean Joke, other people screw things up and Loki fixes it.


Justin and I bonded over the fact that we were both children of Chaos deities and often joked that Set and Loki were probably poker pals or something. Each trying to cheat the other out of money. *smiles* I asked Justin why Loki came down and not Set or Bast. Justin’s reply “Would you have listened?” Man, does he know me. I wouldn’t have, it was the shock of seeing Loki that calmed me down enough to take stock in what was going on. He laughed when I said that and said “ Well there you go.”  


There’s more. Up until this point I had been a Soft Polytheist. Having mostly worked with Egyptian Pantheon gods one on one and a handle full of others, a time or two. I had this whole theory about Soft Polytheism.  Long story not quite as long, all this time I thought Loki and Set where aspects of each other. Especially with my brotherly bond with Justin. That is so Not The Case. Loki is definitely a completely different type of energy. So now my whole world view on the gods is kinda up in the air and I don’t know what to think anymore. I am starting to become a hard polytheist. Though that doesn’t quite feel right either. So I got an apology from Loki and in turn he left my brain spinning. That is SOOO Like him.  


The Quandary of a Psychic




For a while now as a Tarot Reader or Psychic. I have had my doubts. Am I truly Psychic or do I just have overly developed observational skills? Like the TV Shows Psych and The Mentalist. For a long time I went back and forth and finally I have accepted that it is both.


I do have very strong observation skills. I notice things other people simply don’t. However, I also have strong psychic abilities. I simply know things I should not, no observations needed or given.  When I read for someone I usually use my observational skills to see if I am reaching the right target with my readings. I have had some pretty crazy far off stuff come in readings without the Querent even saying a word about what was going on. Usually if I am correct in what I see then the person will nod their head in affirmation and follow along with the story I am telling using the symbols as my guide. If I am off and it does happen then a look of confusion will come across their face. I usually ask what they are confused about and try to clarify what I am saying. Usually the message is the same but it is how I said it that confuses them. So Yes I use both skills I read the cards and the people. My ability to read people aided me when I worked in Commission Sales I did very well. I used that highly developed skill to find out what the person really wanted and sold them that instead of high pressure sales manipulating  them into something they did not need nor want.


Here is a story where my Psychic Link to the cards portrayed a message in a way that I could not have controlled or FAKED. I was doing a causal reading for a friend. Lets call him A. A wanted to know if he should start riding Friend B about his shadow work. I picked up my cards and pulled from the center of the deck and started laughing. I pulled the Devil Card. It could not have been a more appropriate card for the question. The Devil Card is all about shadowork and dealing with your inner demons etc etc. The card was a very affirmative yes. So I pulled randomly out of 78 cards I pulled the 1 card that is most strongly associated with Shadow Work. Thats a 1/78 chance. I also read inverses so for me that is a 1/156 chance. Sure it could have happened on accident. However I have pulled the right card for the right scenario more times than chance would allow for, that is just one example.


Another story. I recently did a reading for a woman about her relationship. I knew her but nothing of her romantic life. First card I pulled was The Tower. If you know, this a card for massive and abrupt change. Usually not the good kind, either. The negative aspect of that card just didn’t feel right. (I can’t much explain it then feelings.)  The change aspect of the tower seemed right but the negative connotations didn’t seem to fit. Tower in a relationship reading usually means break up. I knew a break up was not in her future. I just knew. So I threw another card down and said “OOOOH” in a big gasp. She was like OH NO what did you see. I said “I am not sure I want to ruin it for you. It’s not bad it is good” She asked me to tell her and it was her reading. I had drawn the King of Pentacles. A man of material wealth and a person who likes life long commitment. Change plus a Man Who Likes Commitment. Boom she was getting engaged. I told her, a few hours later she texted me a photo of her ring. He had proposed that night.


I have tons of these kinds of stories. Too many for them to be all accidents and coincidences. The very act of reading for other people and doing my best to have them give me as little information up front as possible has proven to me my own abilities.
I freely admit that yes I read people.  I simply read them because I know not how to stop. I know that my gifts are a mixed bag; I accept them and me fully for the first time,  I know my motives are true and I know my gifts are real and I shall not doubt them again.